i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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