We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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