moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Randomize
