uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
