I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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