We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
