they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
