Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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