Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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