i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize