I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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