So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
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You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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