my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
