that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
