Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
