I wannas sexs uuuuu
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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