"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
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