Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize