mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I need water and some morals
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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