You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
