I cannot find my penis.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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