Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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