His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
