I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
