That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
