Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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