I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
