He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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