every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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