let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
