I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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