God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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