If i come over, it means nothing
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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