i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
