So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
