I want to stick my p in your. b.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
