I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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