he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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