Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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