We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
