i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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