Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
