I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
