I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
