Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
