sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
