we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
