Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
