considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
