I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
