He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
