Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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