and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
