so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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