my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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