I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
