just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
