Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
