A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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