so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
