Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
