Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
