it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
