maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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