But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
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I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
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It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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