I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
please come you make the beer taste better
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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