so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
