Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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