no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
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