Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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