So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
