Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Duck Duck Cougar?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
