sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
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No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
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I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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