I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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