So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
