Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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