last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
