I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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