Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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