piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
