he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize