i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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